Hey girlies, I'm sorry I haven't been on for a while I started to lose myself but I took the time to heal. I live in Hawai'i so the beach is my getaway. Right as I was doing so well I just found out the news. Tonight I found out my grandma has stage 4 ovarian cancer. She's literally the only family member since I was a baby (besides my mom) who has raised me. I instantly started to feel the pain and now I'm slowly falling into all the memories of when I was a baby girl. I'm not ready to lose her, I just don't have any part in me that can take one more loss. This week is the finals so I have three essays, three big exams, and two projects, and a presentation in Spanish so it's not the best timing. I just can't- I have no energy left to do anything. I cut off any friends who weren't there and that was about a good 25 people so I don't have anyone to actually run to. People only ask you if your okay when you post smt on your story, cry in a hallway or go off on someone so I ran to you guys because I feel that this is a safe community.
I'm at a low and I'm ready to run towards the things I've seen my family do as I grow up (drink, smoke, runoff, etc) Ik its dumb but that low part of me just wants to. Someone help me, remind me to not do this.